Welcome to The Diary of an Evolving Feminist
Success and happiness are by far two of the most contentious terms of all time. Is success happiness? Is a successful woman truly a happy woman?
The reality is that the measure of a woman’s success is constantly on the run. Once defined by traditional gender roles, that goalpost had long moved. To be a successful woman, the new set of rules demands that you must have a thriving career. Oh, that goalpost moved too. For my generation, you need to have it all, and indeed many of us have been trapped in a pursuit of success which is more conformist than fulfilling. A quest for success that seeks to respond to a dominant narrative that a successful woman has it all.
But do we really need to have it all to be happy?
Fortunately, the feminist movement has enabled women to explore all avenues, to try out all that which is ‘womanly’ possible. With that exploration comes the unique power for today’s women to make the most informed choices.
The Diary of an Evolving Feminist is about embracing women in their diversity of informed choices and celebrating each of those choices as a significant and valuable contribution to society. The Diary of an Evolving Feminist is a celebration of women’s happiness. Fundamentally, life should be about the pursuit of happiness, or shouldn’t it?
What makes you truly happy?
We must stop defining our success by societal terms and conditions, or the latest gender trend. An Evolved Feminist seeks equality with no one. She seeks to make the best contribution she can to society and to be happy. She is grateful for the opportunities the feminist movement has opened up and is intentional about what she wants and what gives her tangible happiness. To be truly happy we must be honest with ourselves and with each other – no traps, no falsehoods, no dubious expectations.
So wherever you are and whatever position you hold – working class or stay-at-home mom – this is a platform to counter a dominant narrative that there’s a unidimensional outlook of a successful woman. This is a platform to encourage you to pursue happiness in whatever way is true for you. Our happiness should not and cannot be continuously defined by an ever-moving goalpost of social norms and constructs.
Do you feel judged or given a pity party by your friends for choosing to be a stay-at-home mom? Do you feel stretched out thin juggling work, family and all? Or do you feel accomplished with your specific choice?
Defining success on your terms
Let’s define our success by our individual terms and conditions. Who are you as a woman? What is ‘success’ to you? And what makes you truly happy?
Let’s celebrate women for how we each choose to pursue happiness. Let’s celebrate the freedom that the feminist movement has afforded us all, let’s use that freedom to advance happiness and harmony.
Look out for thought-provoking content on this page, which has metamorphosed into The Diary of an Evolving Feminist for more on the nuances between feminism, happiness and harmony.
Articles
If you’ve ever heard anyone being called a ‘worthless son of a bitch’, I am sure it provoked as much thought in you as it did to me. The issue with this insult is that it doesn’t just call out a person for their bad behaviour, it cuts deep and addresses the very roots of their supposed ‘worthlessness’. The ‘bitch’ who did not do her job.
Everyone seems to be familiar with this insult but only a few actually dare to dish it out. And I am glad that I don’t know anyone with such courage. I believe it is by far one of the most hurtful insults ever, though I must admit it is one of the most popular insults in the world.
The feminist movement has done so much for women that it is hard not to come across as ungrateful when you choose a title like the one I chose. But I couldn’t think of a better way to grab your attention. Truth is, I also flirted with these as possible titles ‘Not all feminist voices are healthy for you’ and ‘The feminist voices I curbed to be a happier me’’. Did someone just say the latter is a better title? Yes, I agree. So now that I have your attention, let’s go with the title we all agree is the best, title number 3.
You are tough if you stand up to men and you are weak if you don’t – submission is patriarchal: I listened to mom’s voice for a change and it made all the difference. If you’ve just joined us, we are addressing the third feminist voice I curbed to be a happier me, and if you are catching up, you might need to look past the sensationalism of my previous title – Not all that the feminist movement says is good for you. Today, we look at the third feminist voice I curbed to be a happier me. Let’s dig right in.
A successful woman is one who is toe-to-toe with men, who is accomplished in the boardroom: I stepped back, so I could get more power and freedom.
By now, I am sure you remember that an Evolved Feminist is one who is in a position to make the most informed choices for her happiness and for harmony in her world. Stepping up and stepping back is a key part of those choices.
The feminist movement has done so much for women that it is hard not to come across as ungrateful when you choose a title like the one I chose. But I couldn’t think of a better way to grab your attention. Truth is, I also flirted with these as possible titles ‘Not all Feminist Voices are Healthy for You’ and ‘The Feminist Voices I curbed to be a Happier me’’. Did someone just say the latter is a better title? Yes, I agree. So now that I have your attention, let’s go with the title we all agree is the best, title number 3.
This would be your ordinary Sunday, church ticked, lunch ticked, a little nap there ticked. And like every other Sunday afternoon, dad has some village meeting to attend and mom has some gathering to go to, or as was often the case a birth celebration – born-house to be apt – with the women…
Everything seemed normal in this routine, but what never seemed normal to me as a young girl was the choice of the song that always came steaming through the roofs in the ladies’ festivities, their loud celebration songs for a newborn baby, which celebrated their husbands more.
So I finally got a chance to read through Bell Hook’s widely acclaimed book ‘Feminism is for everybody’ and while I agree in principle with many of what Hooks brilliantly puts forward in the handbook, there were just as many things that left me wondering.
It left me feeling that to be a true and perfect feminist, you have to let go of your culture, you have to let go of your religion, you have to let go of a little of who you are and some of what you were created to be. In fact, we should discard sex. We should collectively become rebellious young women demanding more.
It was one fine day in Amsterdam, the city was in full bloom and I was three days into a business trip. Not having found the time to do any shopping, I was getting anxious. I wasn’t planning on shopping for anything fancy but I knew I couldn’t leave Amsterdam without stroopwafels and lots of it. In my previous trips, I brought home some stroopwafels and judging by the reaction of my family, I knew I just didn’t have to buy some waffles, I needed to buy a whole lot. So, I resolved to do a bit of stroopwafel shopping from then on, to buy as many varieties of stroopwafels as Amsterdam could offer.
It is my firm conviction that the feminist movement is among the most successful movements humanity has seen. We have evolved from a time in history when a woman’s brain was considered to be as tiny as a mustard seed. From a time when a woman’s existence was seen purely from the needs of a man – in fact, she was believed to have been created solely to satisfy the pleasures of a man. To an era where women are shaping and reshaping all spheres of society. Feminism has brought us a long way.
The Feminist Movement has done so much for women and at the core of ‘The Memorandum of a Modern Day Feminist’ is gratitude. Gratitude for the freedom that the movement has afforded women. The undeniable freedom to be whatever you choose to be. And second to that gratitude is the acknowledgement that an Evolved Feminist is a product of the movement. It is the ability to develop yourself and to be in a position to choose and pick, to determine what gives you deep and meaningful happiness that allows room for an Evolved Feminist to emerge.
The reality is, the measure of a woman’s success is constantly on the run. Once defined by traditional gender roles, that goal post had long moved. To be a successful woman, the new set of rules demand that you must have a thriving career. Oh, that goal post moved too. For my generation, you need to have it all, and indeed many of us have been trapped in a pursuit of success which is more conformist than fulfilling. A quest for success seeking to respond to a dominant narrative that a successful woman has it all.