“I felt an emptiness which none of my accomplishments could fill”

For a long time, I thought  my successes and accomplishments would give me all the happiness I needed but I was wrong.

My name is Vivian Bih, I am a wife, a mother, a communicator by training and a practicing nurse.

I came from a very  humble background and the hardships of my childhood gave me such an immense admiration for a lucrative career and wealth. As a teenager, I admired children from wealthy homes and hoped to have children of my own one day. I used to see wealth as probably the only source of joy and because of that I worked so hard educationally despite the limited resources that were available to me in order to to attain my educational and career goals.

I obtained a Master’s degree in international Communication and Public Action from IRIC, BSN in Journalism and Mass Communication from the University of Buea. I worked as a communication officer with Wum Council, a broadcaster at STV, a Public Relations officer with INJS Cameroon, and in the Ministry of Communication and today I am a registered nurse in the United States

Ironically, the harder I worked, the more I achieved, the greater the emptiness I felt.

Feeling sad and largely disempowered after meeting those educational, career and financial goals I knew I had to do some soul searching.  Mind you,  by this time, I had what I could call the best husband in the world. A man who let go of his dreams to help me achieve mine, who was caring, supportive and kind. But there was this vacuum within me that no amount of money or societal status could fill. Not even the love that was showered on me by the man I loved.

I know some reading this post may be wondering what could that have been? Well, it was the yearning and need for Children!!!  I didn’t want children because I wanted to prove anything to anyone or get my obnoxious in-laws off my back. I wanted children for myself, all what I ever envisaged my life to be, had children in the mix, and my inability to have children drained me more than anything I have ever endured.

I knew at that point that I had been chasing things I wanted, not what I needed. This empty feeling within me made me truly seek God. I was a christian but not very religions., I decided to seek God in ways I had never done before. This decision initially gave me a kind of peace I had never known. I had been trying for a baby for over ten years and for the first time in a long time, felt so complete, so whole even though I didn’t have kids yet.

Then came the opportunity for my husband and I to relocate to the USA. We were faring okay financially and while there was the obvious promise of greener pastures by immigrating, I saw in this an opportunity to seek better health care and take my search to fulfill my longing to another destination, where facilities were much better than what I could access back home in Cameroon. And I held on to the peace I had found with my initial decision to seek God and knew deep in me at this point, that if the kids don’t come by, then the grace and peace I felt will be enough.

And then it happened. I was blessed with two beautiful kids.

Only after  meeting with God on a personal note and having a complete family did I realise that all along I had been existing but not living.

I then had a complete change of perspective for my life. I don’t work so much for wealth and riches anymore. I took up a career in nursing to be a source of hope. I also feel such deep happiness in providing free services of any nature. For the past seven years, my family and I clean our church especially the toilets, we volunteer in any church and community related programs.

I have learned that true happiness is relative and unique and does not necessarily come from wealth, educational and career achievements. With that knowledge, I encourage my kids and anyone who crosses my path to try to adopt a selfless attitude and support them in whatever thing I realize they are passionate about.

Today, I am a proud and happy wife of Antoine Ndongmo and a mother of two kids who brought so much light and joy into my world. I feel that I did not give God a break and His grace made me complete. My experience taught me that it doesn’t matter if the whole world thinks you are successful or highly accomplished, because if you are unhappy, you have to pause and consciously seek that which you desire for your happiness and to sow harmony in your own little world.

When I read ‘The Memorandum of a Modern Day Feminist’ and ‘The Pledge of an Evolved Feminist, point fifteen really stood out for me, I truly agree that feminism has come full circle and we must invite women to embrace it with all that which defines them. As an empowered woman, I believe I have managed to embrace feminism with my religion and with my culture and with all my desires and vulnerabilities. We are all feminist in our right..

My pledge is to continue to encourage women to embrace feminism – the ultimate empowerment of themselves – and to enjoy it with the culture, their religion or whatever else is important to them.

Read more stories of women making involved choices for happiness and harmony @ The Evolved Feminist

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